This fuckin' thing... I swear, sometimes I feel like I have no idea how the heck to use it. There are other times where I'm like, "oh, word, you need help transferring all the files to your phone from your computer without actually being anywhere near the thing? I got'chu." Technology, am'ah'right? Truthfully, I doubt I could live without my iPhone and I can't decide whether that makes me modern, or simply pathetic. I know there are a lot of people out there on the same boat as me, so I figured I would try to relate to those folk. Here are some reactions that I have when I'm taking the 30 seconds on an elevator ride or a someone runs to the restroom on a drink date. Thanks for ruining my life, Apple.

Someone stars or retweets one of my tweets:


I get really close to beating my score on Fruit Ninja and someone calls me:

Someone cooler than me says hey on OKCupid and I want to impress them:

I run into somebody at a bar that I haven't seen in a while and they want a picture:

What I picture my mother doing when she texts me and all of her friends a picture of a cat, or a video about how hot dogs are made (that happened today - no joke):

When someone Snap Chats something dirty/filthy/nasty/freaky:

What I texted at 2am on a Saturday to the first random person in my phone:

When somebody does the same to me... on Tuesday... while I'm sleeping:

When I find a really cute filter for a picture of my sandwich for Instagram:

And finally, when my battery dies: